Your mismatched socks are okay… the curse of perfectionism

Today I realized how lucky I am to do something I love for a living – even as it’s really, really hard work at times. Communications, marketing, and public relations are all the things my career boss lady goals are made of.  In my personal life, I am also incredibly lucky I have so many people I love and who love me back. But some days I feel like I don’t fit in or I am not “slaying” it.

You know me from what contact we have, which could include past work, school, friends, family, etc… But however you know me, that is only one side or experience and that could have been on a good day. I am not here to talk about those right now. I want to share what the bad day means, feels like, and how to overcome every part of yourself that says you’re not good enough and don’t belong.

As I drink my wine, I am open to sharing with all of you how I see myself since I think vulnerability is part of the human experience. So you see, I want to be really honest with you about the standards you set for yourself – so I will share a few of my “standards” and “expectations” I require and think about each day for myself.

1. Health and beauty. First, I tell myself that unless I work out that day and eat practically only “clean, healthy food,” I have failed today. From years of being obsessed with calories, weight, the scale, (disordered eating) and aiming to be what I thought was beautiful never leaves truly leaves you alone. Failure is at the top of my mind.
2. Career goals. In meetings, when writing, when reading emails, when experiencing something new, I tell myself you must be perfect, you can’t do something wrong, always say yes to everything because it shows you’re capable. If you don’t and you made too many mistakes, you have failed today. You’ll never get to where you want to be. Who are you kidding, you think you’re good at this career? Made a typing error, didn’t see that one email come through, didn’t get the message right. I have failed and why continue to try.
3. Personal life and goals. Did I text my friends today? Have I made sure to put other’s needs ahead of mine? Have I been a good friend and made sure I showed up to this, called about that, remembered this. Been the best fiance by keeping a perfect apartment, cleaned, kept my cool. Read to stay interesting, intriguing. What about called my mom, been a good daughter, listen don’t argue. Oh crap, I forgot that birthday card a week later and I legit have been in a bad mood all week and don’t want to even participate with most of the human world. I also got stressed out with planning a wedding that I lost my temper. I also didn’t do laundry so I have to wear socks that don’t match, that’s not what a girl boss does. So that’s a fail for the day.

Okay, so these are just a few things but when I write them out and share them with you I have one thought. SCREW THAT. I am not perfect and trying and showing up is enough. Some days when my mental health is low taking a bath, reading, and not talking to anyone is enough. Failing is an awful word because it says that you’re not doing something right, I want to ask you to grab your glass of wine and think about this tonight: What did you do that helped your future self-today? How did you help those you love? What did you learn? How can you reach your goals tomorrow?

I am not saying that having expectations is wrong but I am saying that feeling like a failure because you have challenges, make mistakes, wear mismatched socks, and don’t always attend every event and sometimes just want to drink wine and cry IS OKAY. You’re enough the way you are. Now, I am legit crying but that’s because I want you and myself to know our worth and that the challenges we face can be beautiful. Keep working hard…and know that mismatched socks are the new trend.