Finally, writing my story

Almost two years ago, I made a decision to move out west with my love. I thought I had many things figured out however the last two years I have learned more than I thought I could imagine. I have finally decided to embark on the journey of sharing my continuous story with everyone else instead of just my pen and notepad.

I want you to join me, like an old friend. You can sit down, read my words, hear my story and hopefully it relates to you and speaks to you in a way that encourages you to grow in your own personal journey of self-discovery and fulfillment.

I have decided on this blog title because I am not everyone’s cup of tea but I am a bold, tasty and semi-bitter wine that will share the rawest parts of my soul so that you can be moved to share yours.

Anyways, while I have you I do have a few late night thoughts that have been running through my mind a lot lately. One particular is the idea and value of our potential. When I was in college, I thought I knew exactly how things would unfold afterward for me because I had taken advantage of every opportunity I chased. I thought that I knew exactly what and how I wanted to live my life. I had been financially on my own since I was 18 so I wasn’t afraid of taking the chance to go out west with Eric. But the failure I felt when things didn’t work out tore me apart. My heart ached for days and months.

But one day I realized I had begun to heal. I then was offered a really creative job doing exactly what I had wanted to and was living in a new, vibrant city I could explore with my best friend. Do I think about my path and what is next for me? Every single day. Do I worry that I am not reaching my potential in my own goals and personal life? Yes, absolutely.

But I have learned that along this way through life I have only had those green eyes in the mirror to ask for love from. Because she’s the one who holds too high standards for herself. She’s the one who punishes herself for not being perfect. She’s the one who I need to ask for love from and acceptance that I am not perfect but my potential and worth isn’t based on that. It’s based on the love I give to others, the forgiveness I show to many, the unselfish acts and services and how I try and change the world and better the lives of those around me.

As I am nearing the bottom of my glass of rosé tonight, I want to remind you that no matter where you are, where your journey is going and whether you think you’re behind some generic timelines society has given us – especially you ladies out there – YOU ARE RIGHT WHERE YOU SHOULD BE.

I wish you all the love, laughter and best wine the world has to offer. Until next time, have a drink for me. ❤

Your mismatched socks are okay… the curse of perfectionism

Today I realized how lucky I am to do something I love for a living – even as it’s really, really hard work at times. Communications, marketing, and public relations are all the things my career boss lady goals are made of. In my personal life, I am also incredibly lucky I have so many people I love and who love me back. But some days I feel like I don’t fit in or I am not “slaying” it.

You know me from what contact we have, which could include past work, school, friends, family, etc… But however you know me, that is only one side or experience and that could have been on a good day. I am not here to talk about those right now. I want to share what the bad day means, feels like, and how to overcome every part of yourself that says you’re not good enough and don’t belong.

As I drink my wine, I am open to sharing with all of you how I see myself since I think vulnerability is part of the human experience. So you see, I want to be really honest with you about the standards you set for yourself – so I will share a few of my “standards” and “expectations” I require and think about each day for myself.

Health and beauty. First, I tell myself that unless I work out that day and eat practically only “clean, healthy food,” I have failed today. From years of being obsessed with calories, weight, the scale, (disordered eating) and aiming to be what I thought was beautiful never leaves truly leaves you alone. Failure is at the top of my mind.
Career goals. In meetings, when writing, when reading emails, when experiencing something new, I tell myself you must be perfect, you can’t do something wrong, always say yes to everything because it shows you’re capable. If you don’t and you made too many mistakes, you have failed today. You’ll never get to where you want to be. Who are you kidding, you think you’re good at this career? Made a typing error, didn’t see that one email come through, didn’t get the message right. I have failed and why continue to try.
Personal life and goals. Did I text my friends today? Have I made sure to put other’s needs ahead of mine? Have I been a good friend and made sure I showed up to this, called about that, remembered this. Been the best fiance by keeping a perfect apartment, cleaned, kept my cool. Read to stay interesting, intriguing. What about called my mom, been a good daughter, listen don’t argue. Oh crap, I forgot that birthday card a week later and I legit have been in a bad mood all week and don’t want to even participate with most of the human world. I also got stressed out with planning a wedding that I lost my temper. I also didn’t do laundry so I have to wear socks that don’t match, that’s not what a girl boss does. So that’s a fail for the day.

Okay, so these are just a few things but when I write them out and share them with you I have one thought. SCREW THAT. I am not perfect and trying and showing up is enough. Some days when my mental health is low taking a bath, reading, and not talking to anyone is enough. Failing is an awful word because it says that you’re not doing something right, I want to ask you to grab your glass of wine and think about this tonight: What did you do that helped your future self-today? How did you help those you love? What did you learn? How can you reach your goals tomorrow?

I am not saying that having expectations is wrong but I am saying that feeling like a failure because you have challenges, make mistakes, wear mismatched socks, and don’t always attend every event and sometimes just want to drink wine and cry IS OKAY. You’re enough the way you are. Now, I am legit crying but that’s because I want you and myself to know our worth and that the challenges we face can be beautiful. Keep working hard…and know that mismatched socks are the new trend.

Growing Pains

Blog picture 8.25

photo credit: Kambren Stanley

Over the past year, I’ve felt a variety of growing pains. They have been in my career, personal life, and even my own self. I have struggled with the idea that becoming the person you want to be doesn’t hurt because challenges and growth are painful. I want to share a few of them with you, so grab your wine or mimosa since it’s early and let’s travel to another place.

A situation arose a few days ago where I realized how much I have grown in my career and how even though it feels like every week I get down on myself about not being 100 percent sure on what to do next sometimes because my career has just really begun – I realized I was headed in the right direction. Working in an agency has its challenges, but those obstacles I have had to overcome have granted me great opportunities to show all that I am capable of and follow my heart. The last year and a half I have learned about a variety of industries, marketing strategies, and public relations activities that I only had read about before – never fully in the trenches! It’s not to say that the uncomfortable situations I have to come in contact with day in and day out are not terrifying but I am finally getting out of the weeds, walking through the sand and about to head off into the ocean. Pardon my strange metaphors but I enjoy creating them. 😉

But I can’t tell you that I have always felt this way. There are many times where I have cried, questioned my worth and asked myself do I really want this that bad to feel this pain that exists. The answer is always yes. Always. I placed myself in a very interesting scenario where all my growing pains would happen around the same time. I moved to a new city that is larger than anything I am used to, this takes weeks, months, and even sometimes a year to grasp what it’s all about and to not feel alone. On top of that, I began my first real big-time job. But I chose to do this because I know that the journey and the goals are what will get me where I want to go. I have had to remember not to lose sight of the big picture about where I am headed and what I want to achieve but also the other beautiful things in life like my love, friends, travel, and passion.

The growing pains don’t last forever but you shouldn’t ever stop learning and sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses of realities. What growing pains are you experiencing? Are they worth it? Maybe they are telling you that you need to pursue another option. But trust in the process and listen to your heart, I promise you it won’t fail you.

Until next time, drink lots of wine, live in the sunlight and thrive by the moonlight.

Best,

Kambren